Eyes like the Devil
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: Everyone's favorite villian,the Joker of course, kidnaps the Trio. What will happen? Please R&R. It's finished now so just submit reviews.
1. Chapter 1: Party Crasher

Eyes like the Devil

Author's Note: I do not own anything or anyone in the Batman and Harry Potter universes. They are the property of their respective owners.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all at Hogwarts for their 7th and final year. They had found all the Horcruxes and all that was left was to kill Voldemort. The Headmistress decided to throw a big party for the trio and the entire school was filled with joy and laughter. Ron was excited. Just last year things had seemed at there darkest but now they had hope, hope for the future and their lives. He had told Hermione that he loved her and she reciprocated but they had decided to wait until after Voldemort was gone to get married. Just then the doors burst open and a clown came in. He was dressed all in purple and had green hair and white skin. The clown had a large cake with him decked out with all kinds of candles.

"Howdy, kiddos, don't mind me barging in. Allow me to introduce myself, Joker's the name and entertainment's my game." Joker said, laughing crazily.

The students were confused. Who ordered a clown? They figured it must have been one of the professors. The professors meanwhile thought one of the students did it. Joker decided to give these kids some of his A material, after all, he was hired by Baldy to kidnap that kid…what was his name? Gary Blotter? Nigel Trotter? He'd remember it eventually.

"So kiddos, anyone know what you call a dog with no legs?" Silence followed the joke.

"It doesn't matter what you call it, it won't come to you anyway!" Joker said, slapping his knees and holding his sides. He looked around to see if anyone was laughing and no one was. That made him upset, for after all, he was giving them a good show. Maybe they needed some more incentive. Searching among the crowd he saw a blond haired little brat and thinking he would do as well as any, he asked him to come up to the front of the room.

Malfoy thought this clown was pathetic, but decided to play along and went up. Joker smiled at him as he came closer. Then the clown held out his hand to him.

"I don't have anything up my sleeve." Then they shook hands. Instantly, Draco started smoking and his flesh sizzled. 4000 volts were going through his body. Joker held on for about 2 seconds and then he let go. The skeleton crumbled to the ground. Then Joker faced the kiddies.

"Seems like he got a little hot under the collar." And then he laughed like the madman he was. The teachers started to go for their wands but Joker pressed a button on his coat and the cake instantly started pumping out his venom. All the faculty members started laughing and then their faces contorted into ghoulish smiles and they stopped moving. Pressing another button, the cake spewed out a paralyzing agent and froze the entire hall, except for Joker; in their tracks. Another bonus about this little gas was that it froze the vocal cords of the little brats.

"Looks like my act really knocked them dead!" Joker remarked. Then he glanced around the room for that kid he was supposed to grab. Now what was it that he had on his forehead, pimples? Wait, it was a scar shaped like a lightning bolt. Then he spotted him, next to a girl with bushy hair and a kid with freckles all over his face. Coming up to him, he whistled. From inside the cake some men came out and grabbed Harry, knocking him out with a blow to the head. Each man had a clown mask on his face. Joker was about to leave when the girl and Freckles made eye contact. He called two of his men over and indicated the two students.

"Let's bring these two along. From what Baldy told me, they're his friends. They could make things…_fun_."

Voldemort was waiting impatiently for that buffoon to come back with Potter. He had hired the clown because he had sensed a kindred spirit but was shocked when he turned out to be nothing more than a crazy muggle. Just then the mad muggle came in with Potter unconscious and his two friends also knocked out.

"I didn't ask you to bring those two." Voldemort hissed between clenched teeth.

"I wanna keep them, for me. Here's your boy Potter, now where's my money?" Joker said.

"Who said I would pay you? I can't stand your kind; now get out of my sight." For an instant, it looked like the muggle would strike him but then the Joker just laughed.

"Oh well, at least I had some fun. C'mon boys, let's take these two and leave." Bowing to Voldemort, he left, along with his men and Potter's friends. Voldemort was surprised, but quickly shook it off. He had Potter and that was all he needed.

Later at the Joker's hideout, one of his men came up to him. "What about our money, boss?" one of the henchmen asked. Joker could see that he didn't get the joke and pulled out a gun. Aiming it at the fool's head, he pulled the trigger. The henchman waited for the bullet to pierce his skull, but he didn't feel anything. Opening his eyes he saw that a little flag had popped out of the gun with the words Bang! on it. He sighed. Then Joker fired the pistol again and the flag shot out into the hired muscle's brain.

"Any other questions?" Joker asked, looking at the men. Every one was suddenly very interested in the floor. Joker smiled. "Good, who's in the mood for some Chinese?"


	2. Chapter 2: Love Hurts

Love Hurts

Ron's eyes fluttered open. He tried moving his arms but found they were tied behind his back. He looked around the room he was in and noticed Hermione in one corner of the room, tied to a chair.

"Hermione?"

Her head rose up and she looked at him.

"Ron, where are we?"

"I don't know. The last thing I remember was getting knocked out by those men."

"Do you know where Harry is?"

"No, I just woke up."

"Well look who finally decided to wake up." The Joker said, coming into the room with a long covered cart.

"What do you want with us?" Hermione asked angrily.

"Why I just want to have some fun, that's all. I had nothing better to do, so I snatched you guys along with your friend…oh what was his name, Gary?" Then the Joker came right up to Hermione's face. She spit in it. Reaching up to his face, he calmly wiped the saliva off.

"You bastard, what did you do with Harry?" Hermione screamed at him.

"Thank you for the shower." Joker said and then he went to his cart. He removed a cattle prod and went over to Ron. Then Joker looked at Hermione. Then he brought the cattle prod down hard on Ron's back and shocked him and beat him with it for 5 minutes. Returning the cattle prod to the cart, Joker then faced Hermione and took a bow.

"Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week." Then he left the room. Ron was unconscious and bleeding from his wounds. Hermione struggled against her bonds to get out when she felt something against the wall behind her. It was a sharp piece of metal. She started to rub against it and finally the ropes fell off. Running up to Ron she took his face in her hands.

"Ron! Wake up Ron!" she shouted into his face. Ron groaned and stirred a little bit. Hermione started crying. Just then the Joker came back into the room.

"The audience isn't allowed to leave until the shows over."

Hermione tried to escape but he cornered her. He slapped her and knocked her down. Then he whistled for his men to come in.

"Boys, get the straitjackets and take these two to the playroom." Joker said. The last thing Hermione heard before she passed out was the Joker's laughter.

Opening her eyes, Hermione saw that she was in another huge room; only this one was painted green. Then she realized that she was in a straitjacket and lashed to a huge metal table. Craning her neck she saw Ron on a similar table right next to her, also in a straitjacket.

"Hermione?" Ron asked.

"Ron, are you alright?"

"I've felt better and I'm still in pain but it's not as bad as it was. Do you know where that psycho is?"

"No."

"I think this is the end for us."

"He won't kill us. He just wants to torture us." Hermione said.

"Why?"

"I don't know, but we shouldn't provoke him. Let's stay silent whenever he's around."

Joker was getting tired of all his goons standing around doing nothing.

"Alright boys, I want you to go round up some more playmates, okay?" His men didn't respond. Instead they all pulled out their guns and aimed them at Joker.

"We're through taking orders from some clown who won't even pay us our money after we did what he asked." One of the men answered. Joker just smiled at the barrels of the guns aimed his way.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, I'm just waiting."

"For what?" The Joker didn't respond. Suddenly all the men started laughing. Then they dropped to the floor, dead, their mouths turned up into a horrific grin.

"Let this be a lesson for you boys, never wear a mask, especially one of mine." Joker said. Then he took his grill, which was really a generator and went to play with his guests.

Ron and Hermione cringed when they heard the all the laughing out in the main room. Then everything was silent. Joker came in with what looked like a barbeque grill. Going up to the teenagers, he started talking.

"Well, how are the two love birds doing?" Joker said. They didn't reply.

"Ya know that guy, Lord Moldybutt told me you two have had quite the stormy history together and that you're the sidekicks for that Harry Potter dweeb." Again he was met with silence.

"You see I have a history of getting rid of annoying sidekicks that no one has any use for. This one time I kidnapped this brat, he was about your age, and beat him with a crowbar. Then I locked him in a building with his mother and blew them up. That was fun. I just love having a captive audience; it makes for such great laughs." Getting a little bit annoyed by the silence, Joker took off the lid of the grill. Inside were two prongs and these were connected to the generator. Sparks shot from the instruments and Joker started laughing.

"Since I'm getting the silent treatment I guess you won't mind, especially you Freckles, if I do this." Then Joker took one of the prongs and stuck it on Hermione's table. She started screaming as soon as the prong made contact.

"Stop it!!!" Ron yelled. Joker removed the prong then he turned to Freckles.

"I see you do have feelings for her. I wonder if she'll cry out for you." Then he started electrocuting Ron. His screams were horrible. Hermione tried to yell out but all she could manage was a weak sob. Joker heard it and stopped.

"I guess she does care about you, Freckles." Then he put the prong back on Ron's table. This time his whole body arched up and his teeth were chattering together very fast. Joker removed the prong.

"I hope you kids learned from this. Love hurts doesn't it?" Then Joker started laughing as he exited the room.


	3. Chapter 3: Make Them Laugh

Make Them Laugh

Voldemort was incensed. Once he had Potter he thought he had won. But when he tried to hurt him he found out that he couldn't. That's when he decided to go get his friends from the Joker. Voldemort brought along 10 of his most skilled Death Eaters, just in case. He had also brought Potter, so the boy couldn't escape. As they Apparated into the Joker's hideout they saw him come out from a room, laughing hysterically. As soon as Joker saw the party in his lair, he smiled to himself.

"Gasp! If it isn't Lord Voldemort and Potter, and what's this? You've brought some friends along too?"

Voldemort didn't have time for games and went up to the clown and grabbed him by the collar.

"Now listen to me you wretch. I need Potter's friends and they better be alive, or else I'll peel the flesh from your bones." He hissed, his eyes burning into the Joker's.

Joker didn't respond. Instead he glared back and Voldemort, for the first time in his life, was terrified. The clown had something in his gaze that was truly evil, something that seemed to swallow up Voldemort and make all the evil he had inflicted seem like a drop of water in an ocean. Then Joker grabbed Voldemort's hands and moved them away from his neck.

"Don't touch me old man, I don't know where you've been." Then he pushed Voldemort away from him. All the Death Eaters raised their wands to kill the clown but stopped, as if frozen. Then each one started to laugh. Their skin turned pale and their eyes bulged out of their sockets. Then their mouths twisted into hideous grimaces and they hit the floor, dead. Joker's venom was being pumped through the air vents as soon as Joker pushed Voldemort away.

Voldemort covered his mouth and summoned a protective bubble around himself and Harry. The Joker just stood there among the corpses and laughed, his own venom having no effect. Voldemort raised his wand and smoke spewed forth, making it impossible to see. Just as he was about to Apparate away with Harry, Joker appeared behind Voldemort and shot him in the chest, breaking his concentration. Then Joker walked towards Voldemort calmly. Harry had slipped away but that didn't matter at the moment.

"Neat trick, but I can blow smoke too." Then Joker squeezed a knob in his coat and the flower on his jacket squirted out acid which landed on Voldemort's face. Instantly his flesh started to melt and he knew he was done for. Voldemort raised his wand shakily and tried to muster enough willpower to use the Killing Curse but he couldn't do it. Then Joker aimed his gun at his head.

"No one likes a party crasher, and you've interfered with my fun. And we can't have that, can we?" Then he pulled the trigger. As soon as Voldemort's corpse hit the ground, Joker started looking for that Harry Potter brat. Then he heard noises coming from the playroom.

As soon as Voldemort was shot in the chest Harry ran, using the cover that the smoke provided and found a door. Going inside he saw Ron and Hermione strapped to metal tables and in straitjackets.

"Harry, Ron's hurt very badly. Hurry and get us out of here!" Hermione screamed. Harry ran towards Ron's table and started to remove the bonds. Then he tore at the straitjacket and put Ron into a sitting position. Running over to Hermione, he was about to reach her when a gunshot rang out. Harry instantly fell to the floor, blood pooling from his leg. Joker stood at the doorway, a smoking pistol held in his right hand, a crowbar in the other.

"Tsk, Tsk." Joker said. "You see, I have this problem. I have all these bullets and I don't know what to do with them." Then Joker walked towards Harry and shot him in his other leg. "Maybe you can help, in fact, that's what I'll do, and I'll give them to you free of charge." Then he shot him twice more in both legs. "Looks like you'll never walk again, kiddo. But don't worry; it will all be over soon." Then Joker turned towards Ron, who was sitting up and breathing heavily.

"Freckles! You're still alive? You're tougher to kill than a cockroach on steroids." Then he walked towards Ron and raised the crowbar. He whacked it across Ron's back sending him flying across the room. Then Joker kept on hitting him all over his body. Soon Ron was a mess of bruises and he had lost a lot of blood. Then Joker stopped hurting him and looked at Hermione.

"Will true love triumph? Not on my watch!" Raising the pistol to Ron's head, he was about to pull the trigger when a black object struck the gun from his hand. Whipping around, Joker saw Batman behind him, a murderous glint in his eyes.

"Oh, Batsy, there you are! I was wondering when you'd show up." Then he pointed to the crowbar and Ron on the floor. "Remind you of a certain Bird Brain?"

Batman walked right up to Joker and broke his nose with his palm. Then he yanked him off the ground and glared at him.

"I'll break you in two." He growled. Joker just laughed.

"If you had the guts for that kind of fun this would have ended years ago and besides, don't you have some brats to save. Those two on the ground won't last long." Then he ran off. Batman went to Hermione and undid her bonds. She ran to Ron and put her arms around his neck and cried into his chest.

"Apparate them to a hospital and stay there, I'll get Joker." Batman said and then disappeared. Hermione did what he said and wondered how on earth he knew about magic.

Ron was in a sea of pain. He had 5 ribs broken, not to mention his arms and legs. He was in a full body cast and would have to spend a year in the hospital. Harry would never be able to walk again. He was paralyzed from the waist down. Hermione stayed with them the whole time. Their care was being provided by the Wayne Corporation and as soon as they were able to they could return to Hogwarts. The teachers had been saved by Batman who had inoculated them with an antidote for the Joker venom shortly after the trio had been taken. The professors had helped him by locating where Joker's lair was. Ron proposed to Hermione in the hospital and the happy couple was given a lavish ceremony at Hogwarts the next year with Harry as the best man.

Joker was sitting at Arkham in a straitjacket within a padded room. He was humming the wedding march to himself, already knowing his next gag and who to pull it on. Then he erupted into peals of insane laughter as the guards watched on, too terrified to tell him to stop.


End file.
